Letters To My Surrogate Daughters

Why I believe in God

2008-09-18T07:46:00.001-07:00

I must say at the outset, I do not speak for my church, I’m no expert in theology, and this is strictly my personal opinion. While this may be strange to some, my beliefs and religion are a large part of who I am, and I have had such a desire to share it with those of you that I have loved and have had in my home.

I’m a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, commonly referred to as the Mormon Church. I have a testimony that we are all valued children of our Father in heaven, that he loves us individually, that we are special and precious in his eyes.

We were created by him in his own image, and that he loves us enough to give us a way to grow and learn and become more like him by making choices that lead to us being happy. I know that God wants us to be happy, and that he gives us commandments and guidance not to restrict us, but to help us be happy. I’m not speaking about pleasures; the momentary things that make us feel good for a moment, but leave us empty and unfulfilled. I’m speaking of the feeling that you get when you do what you know is right, the happiness that comes from living a life that we can be proud of. He sent his Son, Jesus Christ to the world to allow us to come back to him, and through his sacrifice be able to repent, and be forgiven for our sins. As an imperfect person, prone to so many mistakes, it is my faith that gives me hope and helps me to strive to become something better.

I know that God has a plan for us, and has given us a way for us to be with our family not just for this life, but for eternity. I spent two years teaching the people of Norway about what I believe, not because I wanted to break down anything that they believed in, but because I have received so much, and I wanted others to get the kind of joy, and to learn the knowledge that I was lucky enough to be born into.

I believe that God allows each of us to receive answers about the questions that we have by praying, and listening for the still small voice that comes to us in the quiet moments. I have received answers that I can’t deny. I know that in this world with so many conflicted voices shouting for our attention, it is the small voice that speaks to our very core that is God giving us answers to our deepest, most sincere, questions. I believe that in order to get answers about something, we should learn about it as much as we can, implement it, and see if it makes our lives better.

I have read, studied, and thought about the Bible, a testament of God dealing with the people of Israel, and the record of Christ’s ministry among the people in the Old world, and have found so much good and truth. I have prayed and received an answer that I try to apply to my life daily. I have also read, studied, and prayed about The Book of Mormon, a record of God’s dealings with the ancient peoples of the American continent, and I have prayed about the truth of it, and received an answer. I believe that God continues to work among men, and that he has called prophets and restored his church to the earth.

I believe that God wants us to learn as much about the world as we can, and that he wants us to teach those around us and learn from others through invitation and love, never through force or coercion. I believe that God wants us to learn as much as we can, and to keep ourselves open. As a man who loves science, truly “all things testify to me there is a God”. I look at the complexity of the human body, the amazing world that we live in, and I believe that learning as much as we can about them is good and right. While science explains the what and the how, it can never explain the why. Conversely, the scriptures are never clear about how God created this world, so deciding to close your mind to science for religious conjecture is foolish, and learning is never a bad thing. I think that compassion, and being quick to forgive are qualities we should all aspire to.

I am so grateful, that even me, a terribly imperfect person has a Father in Heaven that loves me so much, and that he has blessed me with the gifts I take for granted far too often. A beautiful and amazing wife that keeps our lives together, who puts up with her husbands lengthy rants on every subject under the sun, who is building a life with me not only for this lifetime, but for eternity. I will always be grateful for her moral compass, that shows me when I have tried to rationalize my way out of doing what I know is right. She is the one person I never get bored of, the one person that understands me better than anyone else I’ve ever known.

I was born to great parents, a father that taught me the value of work, and did so by his example. I will never forget the countless times we went fishing together, and while he remembers me laying in the boat reading a science fiction book, I will never forget the hours in the car he spent answering my endless questions about politics, life, and just about every subject under the sun. Much of what I believe about life, politics, and family and religion came from his example and answers.

I have a mother that has taught me that being nice is more important than being popular, a lesson I frequently needed, and that while friends come and go, family is forever. My mom shared and instilled in me my love of learning, reading, and I still remember sitting with my books as we went to the library together regularly every week. My mom has been an example of what a woman can be, and I’m truly lucky to have found someone like my mom in so many ways. It is a statement of how much my mother meant to me, that the worst I ever felt in my early years was when she told me that she was disappointed with me.

My brother and sisters are my friends, my family, and they mean so much to me, and it took me being away from them in Norway to realize what a part of my life they were. I’m so proud of what they have become, and that no matter how much we tease each other, there is nothing but love for each of them. I hope that they know how much they know how much they mean to me, but any of you who know me know how hard it is for me to say these things out loud.

I have such a wonderful extended family, grandparents that tried to teach me the value of work, of humility, of being a peacemaker. I love them and I’m so glad that I will have the opportunity if I live worthy of it to be with those who have passed on again. I was blessed with grandparents who always had time to play a game with me, to take me with them, or to teach me how to do something (often taking double the time that they could have done it themselves). I will never forget the things that they taught me by their examples alone, and I’m so grateful to still have a grandmother that tries to spoil me in any way she can.

I’m blessed with two children that make me forget any difficulty, any hardship. I get to begin every day with my beautiful daughter saying “Hi Daddy!” to me, and I get to have such a sweet little spirit entrusted to my care. There is nothing that I wouldn’t do for her, and makes me realize how much work I need to do to be the kind of example she can look to, for a man that she should make her own life with one day.

I’m grateful to have a son that is so special, and that has become so amazing and inspiring to me in his short little life. As any of you that has spent time with my little Nathaniel can tell you, he is truly a miracle, a person that has undergone more physical hardships than I have in my almost thirty years in less than his three. To hear him say I love you daddy and put his head on my shoulder is one of the greatest feelings I have ever experienced.

I’m also blessed to have you girls in my home over the years, and I’m so grateful for the lessons that you have taught me, the love and practice for my own children. I’m so proud to see you do well, and my heart breaks when I see you do things that will leave you feeling empty. Though I am so bad at showing it, I hope that you know how much I care about you girls, and that I will always be here for you for whatever you need. I truly think about you as my girls, and I want nothing more than for you to be happy and successful.

P.S. After posting this and talking to my in laws, I've been sorely remiss in failing to point out that Connie and Jim have been examples to our family in dedication to temple work. They have shown me nothing but kindness, support, and belief in me, and I am very grateful to have them as a part of our family. Without Jim, I probably never would have started golfing, and that is a gift that just keeps on giving.

Why Personal Charity Would Work

2008-09-17T06:57:00.000-07:00

I checked my email early this morning, and I was so excited to have an email asking me a question, specifically about what I thought an ideal government would be:

“what i wanted to ask was, what is your ideal government? you didn't really get into that. you mentioned a lot of determination and i wasn't sure if you were still kind of giving a bit of a life lesson or trying to reference something specifically. you mentioned government programs. what do you want to happen with that? i'm interested to know considering the election date is nearing.”

I believe that my ideal government is one that stays out of the way as much as possible, while still protecting my rights and the rights of those around me. Government that provides defense, safety, and opportunity, is central while keeping government as local and direct as possible. I strongly believe in as localized government as is possible, as it is much more democratic in my belief. It’s much more tailored to the situations and events that happen, and allows for people to hold those in power directly accountable, and directly connects the consumer (us) with the government. It also allows individuals to have much more of an immediate and significant impact on policies that affect them.

It’s such a big subject to write about, I have to focus somewhere so I’ll start with helping the poor and needy. As for the large social programs we have, I have a fundamental difference with them, in that there is huge difference between private charity, and government welfare programs. I have seen a private program in action that I believe helps much more and is much more effective and beneficial to all. The welfare program of my church, the LDS church is set up as follows. This taken from the fact sheet given at www.providentliving.org

Basic Principles

As disciples of Jesus Christ, members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints strive to follow the Savior’s admonition to feed the hungry, give drink to the thirsty, take in the stranger, clothe the naked, and visit the sick and those in prison (see Matthew 25:35–36).

The responsibility for each person’s spiritual and temporal well-being rests first upon himself, second upon his family, and third upon the Church.

When members and their families are doing all they can to provide for themselves and still cannot meet their basic needs, they may turn to their bishop for temporary assistance.

The bishop, as a local minister, is in the best position to determine the nature and quantity of help required to meet the individual’s or family’s specific needs.

Once a month, members of the Church go without food and drink for two consecutive meals and contribute a fast offering at least equal to the value of the two meals. Bishops then use the fast offerings to care for those in need.

To assist bishops in helping members become more self-reliant, the Church has established storehouses, production projects, thrift stores, employment centers, and family services offices in many locations. Church members volunteer their time, talents, and skills to do much of the work in these facilities.

The purpose of Church welfare assistance is to help people to help themselves. Recipients of these resources are given the opportunity to work, to the extent of their ability, for the assistance they receive.

The Church also sponsors humanitarian relief and development projects around the world that benefit those of other faiths. These projects include emergency relief assistance in times of disaster and programs that strengthen the self-reliance of individuals, families, and communities.

Hundreds of full-time volunteers with skills and experience in education, agriculture, social work, business, and medicine serve throughout the world as part of these humanitarian projects.

More information is available at www.providentliving.org.

The great thing about a system such as this is that everyone wins, and those who need helped are truly helped. The givers gain the great feeling of helping people, and gain compassion and love for their fellow man by serving them voluntarily. Those who receive help, receive not only personalized help and job training and placement, but also are personally responsible to help in any way they can. It doesn’t rob them of self-respect, it makes them empowered and full of hope, as they work to contribute while they are getting help. It also works in that the main goal throughout the whole process is to better the person’s situation by finding them new work skills that leads to new jobs and self-sufficience. It truly is teaching someone to fish for a lifetime, rather than just giving them a fish for today.

Contrast that with the huge impersonal government programs that take money from taxes. I personally don’t feel good about paying taxes, I don’t get the warm feeling in my breast when I see the taxes taken out of my paycheck. The money is given without feeling that it is doing good, so the giver loses that feeling. The gratitude and personal responsibility is replaced by a sense of entitlement, and a loss of self respect as people become dependent on the system to survive, a terrible kind of bondage. People become lifelong welfare recipients, and lose hope in making a better life for themselves.

I think that we should keep welfare programs privately working, Americans are much more charitable than people think, and I think that people can help more, but figure that the government is doing it now. To those who think that Americans are cheap and unconcerned, I would like to include a column by John Stossel, a reporter famous for his 20/20 reports:

The New York Times and Washington Post editorialize about America's "stinginess." Former President Jimmy Carter says when it comes to helping others, "The rich states don't give a damn." Standing outside the White House, the singer Bono told the press that America doesn't do enough to help the needy: "It's the crumbs off our tables that we offer these countries."

It seems obvious to Bono and President Carter that America offers "crumbs" because the governments of most other wealthy countries distribute a larger percentage of their nations' wealth in foreign aid. Yes, the U.S. government gave out $20 billion last year, much more than other countries give, but that's only because we are so stupendously wealthy. If you calculate foreign aid as a percentage of our wealth, the United States gives much less than others.

Actress Angelina Jolie calls that "really disgusting" in my new TV special, titled "Cheap in America." "ABC News" will broadcast it tonight (Wednesday, Nov. 29 at 10 p.m. -- sorry -- I know some of you are reading this column after that). Jolie goes on to say, "I think most American people, you know, really do think we give more. And I know that they would if they could understand how little they give and how much more we can afford to give, absolutely, without even noticing."

But wait a second ... when talking aid, why do Jolie and the others talk just about what the government gives? Why conflate America with our government? America is the people.

Jolie could look to herself as an example of the generous American. She gives weeks of her time and millions of her own dollars to charities. America is 300 million private individuals, and their contributions far exceed what government gives. When you include those, America is anything but cheap.

After the Asian Tsunami two years ago, the U.S. government pledged $900 million to tsunami relief. American individuals donated $2 billion -- three times what government gave -- in food, clothing, and cash. Private charities could barely keep up with the donations.

Americans' preference for voluntary contributions over forced giving through government is one way in which Americans differ from other people. (Don't think it's forced? See what happens if you don't pay your taxes.)

Syracuse University professor Arthur Brooks's new book, "Who Really Cares", points out that Americans give more than the citizens of any other country. Individually, Americans give seven times more money than people in Germany and 14 times more than Italians give. We also volunteer more.

And thank goodness we do, because charity does things better. I notice the difference on my way to work. In my neighborhood the "Men in Blue" -- that's what they call themselves -- clean streets. I wondered who the "Men in Blue" were. Day after day they did menial work energetically ... even enthusiastically.

It turns out that they are mostly former street people, ex-alcoholics, and drug addicts. A private charity, the Doe Fund, puts them to work while trying to teach them to be responsible and stay clean.

One year later, 54 percent of the "Men in Blue" are drug-free and employed. That's twice the success rate of other city shelters.

I'm still not sure exactly what makes Doe Fund successful, but they clearly have discovered something. I never see government workers clean anything with enthusiasm. Doe Fund workers do. It's why I voluntarily give them some of my money.

Charity almost always does it better.

America is a uniquely charitable country. So when you hear that "Americans are cheap," just remember: We gave $260 billion in charity last year. That's almost $900 for every man, woman, and child.

I’m a big believer that people are basically good, and that we just have make sure that people know what and how to help, and that they will.

Purpose Of Government

2008-09-16T07:56:00.000-07:00

What Government is Meant to Be...

What question to start with is difficult, andI have thought about what I should begin with is what I believe the government’s job is and what the government should not be involved in. A fundamental part of my beliefs begins with the Declaration of Independence, written primarily by Thomas Jefferson and beginning with the famous preamble.

“We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.”

All men are created equal, and we have rights that come not from the government, but from God. This is central to what we are as Americans, that we believe all men have rights, and that those rights trump anything given or taken from the government. The ideas of natural rights percolated for many years before the declaration, but John Locke directly influenced Jefferson with his ideas that "life, liberty, and estate (or property)" were natural rights outside of the power of the government to give or take away.

It’s interesting to consider what Jefferson changed from Locke’s ideas, he substituted the pursuit of happiness for the estate (or property). Jefferson didn’t write that everyone had the right to be happy, that every person is entitled to an equal share of happiness. He had the foresight to realize that government could, and should only give the right to pursue happiness. A powerful idea, significant to me because it is that belief that drives many other things I believe.

The government’s job is to give everyone the opportunity to be successful, in whatever way they measure happiness. It is hard work and perseverance that is the cost of anything that we actually value. Anything that is worth anything in this life is hard. Marriage, Career, Family, Children, School, anything that we value comes by work and nothing but work. Nothing is owed to us but the chance, that if we work hard, that we won’t be denied the opportunity to try because of our race, gender, religion, or any other aspect of discrimination. Some will say that it’s not equal in America, and that some people have a harder road, that some have all the opportunity and connections to get ahead. It’s true, that life isn’t fair, and it’s never going to be fair, no matter how many government programs or good intentions try to make it so.

As Much as We Would Like it To Be,

Life Isn't Fair

Government solutions create as many problems as they solve, where any time you try to give a group a leg up, it’s often at the cost of some other group. Also, it’s impossible to ever really truly judge how difficult someone’s life is, there’s no difficulty-o-meter. The beauty of capitalism and the free market is that when we go out and serve our own self interest, we serve the whole, and those who have the will to work have the opportunity to live the American dream.

The greatest men in our history often came from great difficulty, and I believe that the struggle makes the man more than what he would have been otherwise. Men are tested and grow when they confront difficult circumstances, as I have told you girls a thousand times, that true self esteem and pride only comes from facing and completing difficult things. The only things that are worthwhile in the long haul in this lifetime are hard. The focus of government needs to be giving as many people as possible the chance to work hard and be successful. Nathan, my son, because of the hard life he has had to live his first few years, has become so special and amazing, and I believe that as he struggles with his problems, he will be a better man for it, and a better man than I because of it.

The dream of America is found in individual success, and the power and freedom that we hold so dear. America was built by men who wanted nothing more than for powers that be to give them the chance to make their own way. Men like Washington, Lincoln, Roosevelt, and others lived deliberate lives against difficult times, and it was work, and absolute tenacity that they became great men, that stand as men to be truly admired.